Even though historical accounts suggest that Jesus was born at some time other than the time that we celebrate Christmas, I often thought of Mary and the anticipation she must have felt for her little boy. The wonder she must have sensed, and likely feared, about his birth. Much like my experience, she had no idea what was in store for her, I am sure.
I imagine all moms reminisce around the time of year that their children are born; after all, the recounting of childbirth is like a rite of passage for mothers. But for me, having delivered my precious boy so close to Christmas - a season which carries with it an anticipation all its own - it has been a slow and delicious climb to the anniversary of his birth. I had a prenatal appointment on this day, and ultrasound on that day... they predicted his weight at such-and-such on this day... my family arrived on this day... you get the picture.
My heart aches for the days gone by, and yet I can't say that I would change or relive one of them. Ben has changed our lives, our hearts, our priorities, our definitions of success and failure, our desires. I drink in every new development, every interaction, and allow the old to pass away in order to fully experience the present. I still feel dorky saying, "I love being a mom!" but I DO love being Ben's mom. Oh, my precious little boy. *sniff*
2 comments:
hi bethy:
my spiritual director at seminary was (is) a poet. her name is kathleen staudt. she had written this poem years ago & sent it along to me as i was preparing to graduate, move & have a baby in a new place. i guess all places are new once a baby is born - even those that were once familiar.
From Annunciations: Poems out of Scripture (Edwin Mellen Poetry Press, 2003)
On the Way to Bethlehem
The timing could not be worse
But it's the law. My husband has to go,
Even though I'm well along.
You are lively within me, moving and kicking me.
Your kicking hurts. It wakes me in the night,
Reminds me, as I walk
More and more laboriously,
You are coming soon.
I suppose we are safe enough
After all, it was an angel who came.
Looking back, I have never doubted that.
My husband has been tender, despite my disgrace.
He is sure, too, about the angel.
So I suppose we have no cause to worry.
It's only my aching back
The sharp pains from your tiny feet,
The smell and press of crowds, and all the delays.
The only thing that matters now, is bearing you safely
Into this messy world
And now even that I cannot control.
I did what I could do, but it's all left behind.
At home, we had a place prepared for you.
I longed to see you soon.
Then I hoped you would come later, after our return
But now I know for sure that you will be coming
To a place we did not know.
I catch my breath at a sudden squeeze of pain.
My body recognizes the agony,
Already begun.
thanks for reliving the birth story again a year later so beautifully!
Thanks for posting that, Beth!
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