Let's talk about poop.

So today I thought I would tell a funny story about poop. You will find that most of my funny stories involve poop, or stool, as we nurses call it. (Why a form of excrement is named after a type of seating is beyond me - maybe because it leaves the body at your "seat"?)

I was caring for a little boy. My job at this particular moment was to take a rectal temperature. I noticed that the child's mother was just changing his diaper - so I took advantage of the situation said, "While you have his diaper off, I need to take a temp on him." The kind lady graciously stepped aside as I brought the little one's anus into full view. I did what you do when you take a rectal temperature, and I thought to myself, Wouldn't it be funny if he wasn't finished with what he was doing? Within seconds, I got what I had asked for: the little one gave a big push, and what was left in his system was sprayed across the front of me, like when you put your thumb over the hose in the summer time to get a stronger stream of water. It soaked the left sleeve of my lab coat through to my shirt. It covered my identification pin, my stethoscope tubing, and my thermometer. I was in shock - what do you do when you are covered in poo? It was like a scene from Dumb and Dumberer, only this wasn't Hershey brand.

Ew.