Junk Mail

I just finished going through today's mail. Included in the day's mailing were the following: a Toys "R" Us catalog, a Touch of Class catalog, two CitiBank pre-approved credit card applications, a greeting card from an old friend, and a letter from a local carpet company which apparently sends junk mail to everyone who recently bought a house. I would enjoy going into great depth at the customer "service" I got when I called the two catalogs and CitiBank to get our names taken off their respective lists, but the letter from the Pennsylvania-based carpet company is what prompted me to blog tonight. I just couldn't resist. The letter, unedited, reads as follows:

(Contact information lined out in pen and new information handwritten in at the top.)

Congratulation on your move and welcome to the area, community, and neighborhood.

Since we opened the doors over 20 years ago [Company name] has been introducing homeowners and renters with all their flooring needs with a great and prompted staff and insured professionals installers. You are sure to get the flooring you need quickly, with a wide selection of In stock and special order carpet, vinyl, tile, hardwoods, and laminates.

Run for the boarder and check us out. Plus get 10% any purchase with the coupon in your Welcome Wagon booklet.

Sincerely,
[Company owner's name]

You have got to be kidding me. This is like a third-grade D.O.L. assignment. (Daily Oral Language, for those of y'all who didn't grow up in MSAD #6...) I have absolutely no idea what the intended point of the second sentence was. "Introducing homeowners . . . with all their flooring needs with a . . . prompted staff"? Introducing homeowners to what? Or to whom? And what exactly is a "prompted" staff? What are professionals installers? Did we forget an apostrophe there, or add an S? Why is in-stock capitalized, and why isn't it hyphenated? And I understand that "Run for the border" is a catchy little phrase used by probably more than one company on the NY/PA border, but I don't really feel comfortable running for a boarder. After all, Mama always said not to talk to strangers.

The sad part is, this company is fairly well-respected in the area, from what I understand. We want to replace the carpet in our bedroom, so I had actually been interested in reading the letter to see what this company might have to say. Now I don't know! Not everyone is born with an eye for editing; this I understand, but it would be impossible to convince me that any currently functioning computer lacks spell- and grammar-check in its word processing program. The widespread use of these programs leaves no excuse for a high school term paper to have these kinds of errors; it's just shameful for a business professional to write something that looks like this.

Especially when it's the face of their company to prospective customers!