Notes on Nursing, part IV of V

*Quick disclaimer: this is a post about breastfeeding. If you're not interested in reading the words nipple, breast, latch, suck, etc... repeatedly... then click away now! 

The day of discharge was a good day. I was able to nurse Ben at every feeding, with occasional help from the medicine dropper. I had a pump to take home with me. I was going home, going home, going home! We put Ben in his own clothes (which were waaaaay too big, despite their "newborn" sizing) and had his hospital picture taken. I ate a huge lunch, signed my discharge papers, waited for my discharge wheelchair, and we were off. We had orders to bring Ben back for a bilirubin check the following day, and the nurse who discharged me told me that I would be more than welcome to come up to the floor after his bloodwork if I was having any trouble feeding. 

As soon as I got home, things got a little rocky again. We'd been in the hospital from Thursday through Sunday, and Sunday my milk "came in." I couldn't latch Ben on at all. We tried dripping milk across my breast with the dropper, but that trick had been played out. Ben was starting to turn his head toward the dropper, completely uninterested in my nipple, and would NOT latch on. I stayed relaxed, at first, and just cuddled him, ready to try again later. I hadn't yet identified that he was having trouble latching on due to my engorged breasts, so it didn't occur to me that waiting till later was only going to make things worse! It was a rough night. I fed Ben from the dropper and from a cup. Of course I was petrified to give him a bottle! We took Ben to the hospital for his bilirubin check in the morning, and made our way back to the maternity unit for the promised assistance.

Three different nurses, including the one who'd discharged me the day before, tried to help me latch Ben on to feed. No luck. The third nurse, who spent a good chunk of time with me (even though she had a load of patients, too!), suggested I visit our hospital's Stay Healthy Center in the local mall. She called ahead and told the lactation consultant who was working that day that I'd be coming in. She didn't have an appointment time for me, but I was willing to wait until her schedule opened up. Ben slept as we waited. 

First off, she had us weigh Ben. He was down to 7 lbs, 5 oz (from 7 lbs, 14 oz at birth). His bilirubin result from that morning's labwork was 0.1 less than it had been the day before, which wasn't really an improvement - but at least it wasn't climbing. She asked me what Ben had been doing when I would try to feed him. I said, "He basically just opens his mouth and screams at my breast." She said, "Well, if he's just going to be doing that, I can't, I might not be able to do much for you here." Huh? So.... I should wait until he's hungrier, and bring him back then? Anyway, she suggested I give it a go, and when I opened up my nursing bra to try to feed him, she pretty much laughed out loud. She said, "Honey, you need to go home and PUMP. Of course he can't latch on to those; it would be like sucking on a boulder!" 

I laughed a little, and said, "Really? I thought I shouldn't pump, because it will make my body think that I NEED that much milk." 

She said, "No, go ahead and pump. Go home, and pump just until you're comfortable; take the pressure off. And go ahead and, I'm going to say the "B" word here, go ahead and give him a bottle. Feed that baby!" I said, again incredulous, "REALLY?!"

Sweet relief! I was soooo happy to go home and feed my child. She said I should try to latch him on at every feeding. If he wouldn't eat, I should pump off a feeding of milk and give him a bottle. In the meantime, I was free to PUT ICE PACKS on my breasts. Yeah, sounds crazy, but that felt SO good. It was a tedious cycle: try to latch baby, pump milk, feed baby... I had so much extra milk, though, that I started to get into the habit of warming a bottle in hot water as I was trying to latch him on, so that by the time I needed it, I could feed him, and pump after his feeding when he was back asleep. I felt so very relieved, and repeatedly said, "I could do this for six months if I have to!"

I did call the maternity floor one more time in the middle of the night. I was still battling some serious, painful engorgement, and was worried about pumping too much. I was lucky enough to talk to a nurse who'd struggled with the same issue, and she put me at ease, saying that as long as I wasn't pumping myself dry, I was teaching my body to make a little less milk each time. Within a couple of days, maybe a week, things leveled off, and I was a happier woman. Ben actually started latching on one morning at about 3 a.m. I'd gotten up to pump 3 hours after his previous feeding, but chose to let him sleep awhile longer. He woke up about an hour later and, having pumped recently, my breasts were soft enough for him to latch on. I don't think I had to give him another bottle after that! Finally, finally, I was consistently nursing my baby, at my breast. It had been a rough ride.