Snob!

I am a sneaker snob. This (pictured below) is my favorite running shoe ever. It is worth the money, and I won't run in anything else.

I am a water snob. This, I feel, is the best-tasting water on Earth. (Aside from water right out of the tap, in Maine.)

I am a grammar snob. I hate seeing things misspelled (i.e., "Congradulations"), I hate forgotten commas, I hate unnecessary apostrophes ("Banana's, 49 cents/pound"), and I hate the improper use of their/they're/there, and your/you're, and it's/its. As in "Its your birthday your finally 30 congradulation's to you." That sentence right there makes me tremble.

But one thing I try very hard not to be is a parenting snob.

And by that, I mean, I get it that what works for me might not work for you. Just because your child responded to a certain variety of parenting tactics doesn't mean that mine will, and vice-versa. I have a blog post brewing in my mind about all of the baby care books that I've read, and aside from the fact that there are already far too many unfinished blogs in the queue, I hesitate to compose it for another reason: I don't want to say, in essence, "This is what works." Because you know what? What works for me doesn't work for everyone. What my children respond to may not 'speak' to your kids. And honestly, any mom of more than one child will be the first to tell you: what works for one kid even within the same family doesn't necessarily work for the next.

With all of that said, I understand that it is very hard to not judge everyone else's kid by your kid's standard. I personally think that Ben is a pretty well-behaved kid. But I tell you the truth, he will not eat a visible vegetable to save his own little life. I am sure there are parents out there who think that makes him a brat. Or worse, they think, "Just make him. Make him eat vegetables. If he doesn't eat vegetables, he doesn't eat." Or some sort of nonsense like that. Or folks who would blame the way that I present dinner. Or people who think I am perpetuating the problem by something that I'm doing. I don't know, I have no idea. I don't know why he eats or doesn't eat ANYthing, really, and I just count my blessings that he eats a lot of the things he does like. And I try to encourage variety and veggie. I just think, sadly, that what or how kids eat is a very, very common area of parent judgment.

Another example of great parent-to-parent judgment: sleep. Ben has been a great sleeper for most of his life. He started sleeping through around 7 or 8 weeks, and has consistently slept around 12 hours per night since then... with the minor hiccup of two weeks of night terrors at the ripe old age of 9 months. Recently, however, he has started waking up in the night and crying out for me. I have no explanation for this; the doctor says it's likely some sort of anxiety stemming from the recent addition of another baby to our family, and I don't know if I believe him or not. I don't know what I think. I do know that either Josh or I go in every single time, and settle him down. I'm sure there are parents who think we should 'tough love' it out of him, there are parents who think we've created this scenario by continuing to respond to it, and probably there are parents who think we should scoop him up and plunk him into bed with us, for best psychological development. I personally believe that the way we are handling it is the best way to handle it. For us. And for Ben.

Some people swear by "Cry it out." I, [very] generally speaking, am one of those parents. But it doesn't apply to every kid, and it doesn't apply to every circumstance. See above paragraph about Ben's recent sleep habits.

Some people swear by time-out. Or spanking. Or yelling. Or ignoring. Or leading by example. Again, all of these tactics are guaranteed to work. On some kid, somewhere, who may or may not live under your roof.

Some people swear. And then so do their kids.

I'm just saying, on that last one.

The point is, it occurred to me recently that having kids changes things (duh). I mean, yes, it changes things - it changes your own family dynamic, it changes your relationship with your spouse, it changes your work habits and lifestyle and vacation aspirations and financial situations and what sort of things you deem "fun" and what sort of things you deem "worth it" and I could go on and on and on. The thing that it changed that I didn't expect was my relationships with other people, both those who have kids and who don't. I have been surprised by the opinions of some of my friends, the way they choose to raise their children and/or the way they opine about how I'm raising mine. I, generally speaking, like the way I raise my kids, so it fits to assume that I think the way I do things is the best way. Otherwise I'd pick a different way.

I'd venture to say, though, that while I could be right in assuming "my way" is the "best way," I have to add the important caveat "...for my kids." No TV before age 2. No full-strength juice. Breastmilk only for six months. No cookies or cake till that big first birthday. Blah, blah, blah. Give your kid time-outs when they say no and run away. Ignore temper tantrums. Don't force eating or ...ahem, elimination. Blah, blah, blah. MOMMY decides when naptime is. MOMMY decides when bathtime is. MOMMY determines whether or not we will brush our teeth this very second. Blah, blah, blah. These things seem to work for my family, but they might not for yours.

This morning in church a man (sort of) corrected Ben. Ben was playing with an older child in an area that this man did not allow his children to play in. The man told the older child (who was, at that time, watching my son), "I don't let my children play over here."

And I thought.... huh?

OK, so you don't think my kid should? Or wait, you're concerned for his safety, I get it. No? You..... don't want your children to see other kids doing things they're not allowed to do? I'm confused. The part that probably bothered me the most was that this man put another (young) person in a difficult position, by implying that Ben shouldn't be allowed to do what Ben was doing. And it's not that young person's responsibility to correct or redirect my kid! But I digress a bit - my real frustration was with the idea that because he chose one way to deal with a scenario, he thought I should deal with it that way, too. And that's just not reasonable.

Snob.