What I've learned from being off Facebook

I deactivated my Facebook account on December 4. I did it largely to prove that I could... but also for a few specific reasons that I don't really want to detail about here. Anyway, I missed it a lot at first, but I don't miss it nearly as much now, and I'm both excited to return and am dreading returning. I miss catching up with people, and I miss the easy access to, well, everyone... but I dread the feeling that I need to check in regularly or I'll miss something. I dread the bazillion emails (I know I can control this, I know), and I dread the easy access to, well, everyone. Because that easy access means you can read c-r-a-p about anything and everything that might be going on in anyone and everyone's lives. Back to the post. Here's what I've learned:

*Facebook makes me crazy. I was thinking about it all the time. I was thinking, "Oh! I didn't follow up on that last comment I made on Laura's picture about her new haircut. I said something like, 'You always have a cute haircut!' and she said, 'I don't get it cut that often...' and I thought that maybe she misinterpreted my comment, which was intended to be complimentary, and instead she took it as me saying she gets her hair cut all the time..." It's foolishness. You can pretend you are above this pattern of thinking, but I don't believe you.

*Facebook is an addiction. Again, I was thinking about it all the time. Each time one of my kids said something really funny or cute, I wanted to put it on Facebook. I got to go to New York City with my mom and saw the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, and I was thinking, "Maybe I should hop back on Facebook and make my status that I'm so excited to go to Radio City!" Not only do I think it's unhealthy to constantly mentally update one's Facebook status, I also think this bit ties in well to the idea that we often post unrealistically happy, cute, funny, or exciting things on Facebook. Next point:

*Facebook posts are like a fake snapshot of our lives. Even when we post that our children are being naughty, it gets funny responses and "kids will be kids" types of comments. I so enjoyed this article, suggesting that Facebook might be making us sad (thank you, locopenelope, and please let me know if you'd like me to remove that link!). My favorite line is something like, "Overestimating other people's happiness is nothing new..." OH MY WORD. It is *so* true. We all think that everyone else is more put together than we are. They're happier, their marriage is healthier, their kids are cuter, their teeth are whiter, they do more fun activities, they take better pictures... Facebook only exacerbates the feelings of inadequacy we feel when we compare ourselves to others. I know that whole comparison bit isn't healthy in the first place, but it's worth mentioning that we do it without even thinking when we're reading others' posts. If we were privy to the *whole* truth, other people probably aren't as happy as we think; their marriages have rough patches, too; and they only post the cute pictures of their kids... not the 900 others with fingers up noses and busted lips and peanut butter-encrusted fingernails and runny noses. I have lots more to say, but I think I've made my point. It's sort of like when we clean before we have company: we provide an inaccurate (though more pleasant) picture of what our lives are really like.

*Facebook can be a cop-out. Bear with me on this one, because it takes a trip around the barn, but... here we go: I have these two friends. We three are friends. I got off Facebook, and Friend 1 noticed that Friend 2 had posted something sad on her Facebook page. She happened to mention it to me in an email in order to suggest that we all get together soon. At first I thought, "Oh, I wish I were on Facebook so that I could write an encouraging comment to Friend 2!" but instead, I called her up and invited myself over for coffee (lest you think I am completely impolite, I did bring the coffee... and hot chocolate for myself!). The take-home idea here is that being off of Facebook forced me to find different, more personal ways to connect with the people around me, and I'll bet my self-imposed coffee date was more helpful than a Facebook comment anyway. It happened again when I got an unexpected gift from a friend in the mail. Instead of leaving her a Facebook message, I texted her. It's only slightly more personal, but the immediate response and back-and-forth that followed was definitely more meaningful than a few messages over a 24 hour period.

In all honesty, I'm not sure that I've totally detoxed from Facebook yet. So why reactivate my Facebook account at all, you ask? It's a good question. I don't really know. I think if I stayed off of it for a few more weeks/months, I could choose to never return and I likely wouldn't miss it. But in spite of all that I've discovered in the past weeks, the truth remains that Facebook connects me to people I'm not connected with in any other way. Old high school buddies, former co-workers, professional contacts, church people, parents of Ben's classmates. I've enjoyed the break, and I will mostly likely change a lot of my email notifications... but I'm also glad to have the connection with the rest of the folks in my life. I hope to rejoin the Facebook community soon. But if you notice that I've disappeared again, you'll know why. And maybe you'll follow me in taking a little break. Maybe we can get together and talk, face-to-face. Maybe you'll notice that my laundry isn't folded, or that my son is occasionally kind of mouthy and it really gets under my skin. I won't like it when you see my crusty dishes in the sink or the crumbs on the floor, but maybe someday I'll see your house/life in a state of disarray, and we'll begin to understand each other a little better. Better than we ever could on Facebook.

*stepping off soapbox*