Toothpaste war over; Middle ground reached

Before I begin this post, let me make one thing clear:

Toothpaste is meant to be squeezed from the bottom of the tube upward. Especially important when one buys toothpaste that comes in a metal tube, this practice is written into law with the rule typed out on the packaging, "For best results, squeeze tube from bottom." Although this is phrased as a suggestion, that's only because well-meaning toothpaste companies don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube will still get you adequate paste to clean your teeth, as my mother-in-law points out, but it also creates an annoying indent into the middle of the tube which must first be filled by the next person before he or she can squeeze an adequate amount of paste onto his or her toothbrush. If that weren't annoying enough, consider the striped toothpaste with equal parts white and greenish blue. When an inconsiderate and unthoughtful bloke comes along and squeezes the tube from the middle, the white and the green (once brilliantly separate) are combined to form a yucky pastel green which is not only unappetizing but surely cannot be as effective.

I am confident that I now have you on my side with regard to where to squeeze the tube.

Having read thus far, I am sure it will not surprise you to learn that my anal nature extends beyond the tube itself; it includes the tube closure device. It is not necessary to squeeze extra toothpaste beyond the amount you will use on your brush, only to mash it into the tube with the screw-on cap (or, if you are really unlucky, the flip-top kind). If this happens, as it certainly does on occasion, it is not unheard of to wipe the excess away before screwing on (or flipping down) the cap.

Well. Josh and I are on opposite sides of the issues here, and I have to tell you that he is not at all bothered by my immaculate use of the toothpaste. I admit that I have had no luck in training my beloved to squeeze the tube from the bottom, BUT, I have found a way to reach middle ground. We bought a new brand of toothpaste, the kind with the little mini breath strips in it. Not only is this toothpaste free from striping, which is half the battle with a middle-squeezer on your hands, but this particular tube of toothpaste comes with a dual-closure top. Yes, you read correctly; this cap both screws on and off and flips at the top. Problem solved! I screw the cap on and off and happily gaze at the brilliant white threading when I brush my teeth. Josh flips the cap, squeezes out his paste, and mashes away, unbothered.

If only everyone's problems were so simple.